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The Saga of the Staff

Episode 5 - ‘The Siblings Strike Back…’


Faz threw the door open… and hit Andy in the face!

“OW!” Shouted Andy. Alfred looked over at Faz and Andy, stood face to face…

“Chris Redfield! Here to take back your sister, are you? Well… she and I are about to… so go away! Unless you want to join in…” Said Alfred, sitting himself up on the bed, excitedly.

“Oh, dear god! Don’t say you want to join in, Andy!” Whispered Faz.

Andy smiled. He walked past Faz and stood in front of Alfred with his hands on his hips.

“Stand up, Alfred! I want to see all of you!!!” Bellowed Andy, doing his best Chris Redfield impression.

Alfred suddenly grinned from ear to ear. He slowly stood, showing his… parts off completely. Andy stifled a laugh as he looked down. He then moved closer to Alfred, putting his hand on his shoulder...

“Now, Mister Ashford… TAKE THIS!!!” Cried Andy, as he kneed Alfred square in the nuts!!!

Alfred reeled back in pain, and fell on the bed. Andy stood above him.

“That musta hurt!” Said Chris.

Faz and Andy swung around to see the REAL Chris Redfield in front of them… and Claire stood behind him!


Mikey looked down to see who he was… keeping his eyes closed until his head was pointing to the floor.

“Please, god! Don’t let me be Ulala! Please don’t let me be Ulala!!!” He whispered to himself.

He opened his eyes and saw that he was indeed the sexy space kitten, Ulala. He knew from the orange PVC boots… and mini-skirt… and top…

“Oh shit… Damn it!!! I can’t even dance!!!” He shouted out loud.

“And you think I can???” Shouted Sam from behind him.

Mikey turned around to see Sam behind him… dressed like a futuristic engineer!

“Well, at least you’re not as bad as me! I’m bloody Ulala, for crap’s sake!” Said Mikey.

“Yeah… a curse for sure. Still… you have a cute butt!” Said Sam, winking and giggling slightly.

Mikey glared at Sam

“Geez! I was only joking!” Said Sam, looking serious again.

All of a sudden, music began to play from nowhere. Mikey turned around and saw the aliens begin to move around. Then, their squeaky voices chanted…

“Up, down, up, down, chu, chu, chu!!!”

“Oh no!!! I have to dance!!!” Cried Mikey.


Andy’s jaw dropped to the floor as he saw Chris Redfield stood in the doorway…

Everyone else disappeared and there was only Chris stood before him. Chris began to walk towards Andy, slowly removing his jacket and dropping it to the floor. Then he began to slowly unbutton his shirt…


Faz was now stood in front of him, Chris and Claire peering from behind Faz.

“Andy! Where are the others?!” Asked Faz.

Faz noticed that Andy had drool coming from the corner of his mouth.

“Yuk! Andy! You’re drooling!!!” Said Faz, looking disgusted.

Andy suddenly snapped out of it. He wiped the drool from his mouth and looked at Faz again.

“Where are the others?” Asked Faz a second time.

“Erm… I don’t know! They were with me when we were opening the door… but then they just disappeared… I guess.” Replied Andy.

He looked at the S.T.A.R.S. member stood before him, and smiled. Chris smiled back.

“Hey there. I’m Chris Redfield. Nice to meet you!” Said Chris, extending his hand.

“H…He…Hello the… there! I… I’m Andrew! Nice to… meet you too!!!” Andy seemed to be babbling, so Faz came between the two of them.

“Look, we need to find a way out of here. I told Chris and Claire about our situation, and they’re willing to help us. We’re going to have to tie up Alfred over there and then sit down and talk about a way to get out of here…” Said Faz.

Andy nodded his agreement, and again smiled at Chris. He then looked at Claire and she smiled at him. Andy returned the smile…


“This is sooooo bad!!!” Said Mikey.

“Hey, at least it isn’t as bad as Headhunter being cancelled! Now that was bad!!!” Said Sam.

“Yeh… that is worse…” Replied Mikey.

“I think you have to repeat the moves the aliens just said, you know!” Said Sam.

Mikey stood and waited for the music to repeat. As it did, he began to copy the moves just done by the aliens…

“Up, down, up, down, chu, chu, chu!!!” Cried Mikey, arms and legs flailing everywhere.

The satisfying ‘boing’ sound followed, signalling that the moves had been correct!

“Well done, Mikey!!!” Shouted Sam, clapping.

Mikey smiled, realising he might actually be able to do this! The aliens began again…

“Left, left, left, left, chu, chu, chu!!!” The aliens were very fast!!!

Mikey began to copy the moves…

“Left, left, left, BOING, chu, chu, BOING!” Mikey messed up completely… and fell flat on his face. A flash of bright light filled the room…


Alfred was laid on the bed, bound and gagged. He was struggling to get free, but Chris had tied him up very well. Andy had watched gleefully as Alfred was tied up. What a skill to possess!!!

Now the four-some were stood in a circle, discussing ways to get out of this place…

“The only way I can see of you getting out, from all you’ve told me, is to try crashing or banging into something…” Said Claire, looking at Faz and Andy.

“Yes… I think that’s a good plan. However, it may not work…” Said Chris.

“Yes… Chris is right! It may not do!!!” Andrew said quickly, supporting Chris.

“We have to try it though… I mean, it could work! Andy… go and bang your head against the door!” Demanded Faz.

“NO! I’m not banging my head against the door for you! It won’t work, and I’ll end up with a headache!” Said Andy.

“Maybe you should give it a try…” Said Chris.

“Alright then!!!” Said Andy, enthusiastically.

He walked over to the door and hit his head on it.

“Ow!!!” Andy yelled. It hadn’t worked. He turned to look at the others and scowled.

“Hmmm… Maybe if you open to door fast… hitting your head!” Suggested Claire.

“Yes… try that.” Said Chris.

Faz smiled as Andy turned to the door and opened it hard. It hit his head. Again, pain! He turned to the others.

“Faz… what if you two do it at the same time! Maybe that’ll send you both to the next place!!!” Suggested Claire.

“No way! I’ll just hit my head!!!” Said Faz, crossing his arms.

“Oh… go on! Do it for me!” Said Claire, smiling at Faz.

Faz smiled back and stood up.

“Alrighty Andy!!! Lets do it!!!”

The two of them stood side by side…

“I’ll count down to 1… then we open the door… okay?” Said Faz, looking at Andy.

“Okay!” Replied Andrew.

“3, 2, 1!” 

The two pulled the door open… a bright light filled the room….

“I don’t think it worked!” Said Andy, seeing the door in front of him.

He turned to see that only Chris was sat at the table… Alfred on the bed behind. He looked to his side to see that Faz was gone!

“Oh no! Faz and Claire have disappeared!!!”







Andrew Dickinson,

Saga by:


Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

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